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In this podcast, Brett Newcomb, a relationship therapist, and I discuss issues surrounding how to resume normal intimate relations after experiencing an extended period of time with a partner’s diminished sexual interest. This situation is often experienced by my patients after restoring their libido with bioidentical hormone pellet therapy.Coping with a partners diminished sexual interest takes work. Quick fix pills don’t always solve the problem because it’s not just about sex, it’s about relationships. Hormones are important in order to get to a physical point but being in place with intimacy, passion and love, takes much more work.
Forgiveness is a great place to start because when two people have lived without intimacy, getting past old wounds becomes very difficult. It’s important for couples to talk about fantasies. Women have difficulty doing this because they are often ingrained with the idea that sexual discussions, fantasies, and self-awareness are wrong. Men are often ingrained with an idea during adolescence to distinguish women by who you would have sex with who you would marry. These mentalities make discussing sex in a mature, loving relationship difficult.
It’s necessary for couples to remember why they fell in love and what first attracted them to each other. It starts in adolescence. Seeing parents in a healthy relationship sends a big message as well. If children see parents hugging, and being appropriately affectionate they will learn healthy messages of intimacy between two loving people.
When there has been a lack of intimacy in a relationship, part of healing is to make “touch” a priority. It’s not about sex and it’s not about orgasm. It’s about touching each other and holding each other. Building off these practices will build intimacy and in turn lead to a more open and healthy physical relationship.