Sex and the Mature Single

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A video podcast about cultural, physical, financial and personal aspects of sex and the mature single

This week Brett Newcomb and I talk about the cultural, physical, financial, and personal issues that face people who are over fifty and find themselves single. They are divorced (sadly the divorce rate among those sixty and over is increasing) or widowed. For whatever reason, they no longer have their partner and yet, if they are healthy (especially if they have had their hormones replaced) they still have a libido. in this podcast we discus their options?

In our conversation we cover many things, the challenges that families and support systems face when coming to grips with the fact that their single member is still wanting to be sexually active. How do families deal with that reality in today’s world? What do they tell the grandchildren about grandma dating, and possibly having a “sleep-over” with her boyfriend? Are the rules different when grandpa lives in a nursing home? Where do people go to find dates when they are that old and single? Church? Clubs? Gyms? The Internet?

One of the issues that I deal with in my practice is the older woman who is not yet ready to date or to have a partner, but feels the sexual energy she had in her youth. She was raised in a cultural view that condemned the idea of self stimulation. She tends to think it is a sin or that it is forbidden or shameful. She does not know where to go to obtain the things she needs to help her.

Another topic that comes up in this conversation of how does society adjust to the reality of sexually desiring and sexually active older singles is the question of where women find partners. Many men in their sixties or seventies who are single are looking for younger women. They tend to want someone in their forties to fifties. What are women who are sixty or seventy to do? Should they go without? Are they required to look for men in their seventies or eighties? How many of those men are there? What about a woman this age finding a younger man? Have you heard the term Cougar? What if your mom became a cougar and dated a man your age? How would you feel, how would the family respond?

Obviously, as a physician, my goal is to help my patients become as healthy as they can be. I help them recover their youthful vigor and their libido. I do not direct them in terms of behavioral choices, but I do take the time to talk to them. I often refer them to my friend Brett, who is a family therapist of many years standing, or to other competent professionals. The challenges here are many more than just physical care.